What Is Love?
The last story before this is very heavy, and I’ll try my best to have this chat to be a very light one.
I have known someone, from a group chat of girls in Instagram — which made me wonder, how love really works.
Love always takes two to accelerate. It takes two to be in a relationship, and also takes two to flourish and be mutual.
So it made me wonder, we love differently. We communicate in the relationship, not by words but by love — and probably along the way, it gets lost or misinterpreted.
Each of us has various love languages. As such, Yrren is quite different, too. Well, parenting style and attachment are built and felt in our childhood. Your upbringing plays a vital in the relationship that you will be developing in the future, and as such, the things that Yrren lacks in his home, are something that he looks forward to in the relationships.
He communicates differently. He, when has something on his plate, will ignore you until things are done, or when things go south and he needs comfort, he will remember your presence and turn to you.
Unlike me, I always make time for everything. Mom and Dad were busy earning for us, so I grew up with a nanny. I wasn’t neglected, but I longed to be cared for — a thing that Yrren always missed.
And that’s where things become a problem.
I want someone to be there with me, emotionally because that is something that has been missing ever since I am a child — my fixation, and when not satisfied, it feels like a storm inside. Yrren, on the other hand, makes himself occupied to forget some things, getting attention from other people, instead of getting in from me.
The point is, he is my world, while I — just a fragment of his.
There’s nothing wrong with having other things outside of the relationship, but the communication, the manner of how things are handled — these stir our relationship.
I’m emotionally deprived and he is more of, goal-oriented, sort of.
We are not communicating well, his love can’t reach me and my love can’t as well because we are not meeting on a common rendezvous. This causes troubles, pain and hurtful exchange of words.
So one thing I learned from this is, relationships should be communicated in the same language, or should be meeting a common point.
How? I explained that this is my language, being comforted and being present to everything because he is my world. On the other hand, Yrren needs me to wait for his schedule to clear up because he has goals to achieve, a world to achieve.
Sounds unfair right? But it makes sense because in a relationship, your world doesn’t stop. You have a prior world before colliding with each other, and that won’t just disappear just because you met, or decided to be together.
I don’t have that. I am fine working, getting a degree and having a license, while Yrren, he has a world before me, which makes him whole.
Yrren is very independent, while I, more attached to function.
These worlds that he has, shouldn’t be forgotten just because I exist in his world now. And I shouldn’t be making him my entire world because I got other things to improve myself.
I have decided to create a world for myself — a world where I can find myself more. Maybe that’s what I am lacking or that’s what I have been raised up to — since I’ve been all alone ever since that I wanted to confide myself to someone who can be my walls, my home.
So I won’t demand anymore, won’t pull the strings anymore and just go with the flow. I will be sad either way — so I’ll better make it a better option. Probably, when I got my own world to drive, to manage, I will look less for him as I got my own people to be my support system, my new home.
Well, for those in my channel know that he gets really verbally abusive — we both become, sometimes, because we are not meeting the emotions together, causing more impacts to the relationships. Which is our own downfall for no abuse, in any form should be tolerated, but anyhow — probably by having a rendezvous, it will be shifted and things will get better.
Hmmm, it's gonna take a long run to fix things from this bursting relationship, but knowing where to start, I guess, can mean something, right?
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