Hello Universe. I came by here to let go of my sentiments. I am pretty unsure how to say this, I wanted to mourn and grieve, but my life in the city doesn't stop with one emotion.
My tito and grandmother died in the same week. While I am dreaming (kind of planning) to pay Lola a visit with my fiancé, but now I can't do that anymore, because every visit won't be at home, but in the cemetery now. It's heavy, considering I haven't done much for the family, but now, they are gone, one by one. Death has been my biggest fear now. Not because I will be gone, but because my best living may not been enough for everyone. And that always makes me feel like, more of a failure. And that what scares me the most. I can't be unhappy and unsuccessful at the same time, right?
Lola, please be my angel. Please guide me and me by side voice, everytime.
I guess, when I was suicidal back in the early days of my bipolar, dying has been the best place. Butwhen peoplearound me is dying one by one, scare gets me. I want to spend more time with everyone, but now I can't. Is this sadness? Guilt? No. This is regret.
And that has been what haunting everyone.
How's life lately?
Poonies Goodies Original Rootbeer
Financial iskind of mess, health is not so okay. Work? Getting slower each day.
Financial is a trap. You got a job,you think that, somehow, things will loosened up a bit, but you got it wrong. Expenses pile up, salarystays the same. While things get all covered, you thought, but higher pay equals more pay, more responsibilities. Budgeting gets tougherand tougher, probably because I'm still in transition of quiet luxury styling, and hopefully, I get all both ends meet soon.
Health, because work has been exhausting lately, every joints is getting worked up. You get tired, you get less sleep, less quality rest, more exhaustion the next day. And here you are, getting up everyday to attend to the same routines you are having everyday. Don't get me wrong, I am happy and contented, it is just lacking a little twist.
Work, as a psychometrician is fun. I have two clients this month and while report writing is my least favorite for quite some time, I have to get through this. Test administration used to be fun, probably depends on the client's temperament, but I think, this will bemy least favorite.
Working as a CI, is tiring. Socializing with interns drains my social battery, and when you don't live to their expectations, they'll retaliate. So juvenile. But I guess, that's how things were in the modern day.
Poonies Goodies Homemade Burger
Poonies Goodies Cream Garlic Buns
When I was a child, always wanted to be a grownup lady. I wanted to have my own things, but now, I just wanted to be a kid. I feel like, there's a thing in me, that actually been missing, incomplete, that there's a void inside. And until that hole has been sealed, there'll be always a chaos inside of me.
There are a lot of things that needs fixing in me, and I don't really know where to start, but I can figure it out. Because that's what elegant lady do — we remain calm and composed. We talked things out, manage and control our feelings before reacting, and most of all, we lay out cards to fix problems.
And hey, Poonies Goodies has me surviving the week. After the Holy Week, I don't think, I can even survive the Monday, but hereIam, writing an entry on a Sunday. The food was always the best, like before. We got our reward from the loyalty card and it was so nice to receive a burger. After of quite a while, it's nice to have a place that you will always wanted to go back to.
Much love,
Zoey
Comments
Post a Comment