Dear Universe.
Hello, I really don't have anything good to say, but I'm feeling a little sad lately. Probably because I can't go home and can't be with my family, or to say goodbye to my grandmother, but the recent statusquo at workplace has been taking a big mental toll to me.
I can't buy a lot of stuff since I am watching my finances. My boyfriend has been aloof lately, and I don't have a lot of friends to share my sentiments to, so I keep things on my own, and just divert my attention to other things which requires more attention and time, to keep my heads off thinking about things. This is not really me, because I prefer facing them heads up than getting it off my heads and be bothered in the long run. While, I figure out later on that some things don't need fixing, it is just a matter of time, this void inside of me, has grew bigger, wider and deeper.
I have so many things going on in my day right now, and I can schedule a breakdown, I think, but this things has to be pushed a little later. Much later.
While I try to amuse myself with whatever things available, here are some of the things which brought me joy and made me realize life more.
I can say, the sadness of death has been lingering around me. It's isolating, heavy and uncomfortable. I thrive through the emotions and while, my other partner has been not supportive, I manage to survive the troubling feelings inside myself. This, I guess, is God's why of teaching me how the world can be wonderful without breaking my bank.
I'm really loving the scent of this perfume so much. I have never seen Lancome to have so much spotlight with their perfumes before, and not really having this in your collection is a total miss out.
The scent lingers for a whole day, and I can still smell it even staying under the sun for almost the whole day. I pair this with my Prada, and the really go well together.
I had these past few days. I love the sweetness of the apple mango. It is very summery, young and fresh. Garlic buns never missed the spot whenever I have them. It is calming, relaxing and very comforting.
These two have me busy and preoccupied most of the times. I love being in class, thoughI get cranky and some students really get to my nerves, this really testsmy patience limit. I learn to embrace slow mornings, push my patience tolerance a little everyday and learn more how sophisticated works in everyday living.
This Berry Bar from
@bbakeryph is a mixed strawberries and milk chocolate. I want to add a kataifi on it, but since I'm trying to save up, I'll just try it some other time. This made my night. It was sweet, from the chocolate, and the berries are sour that makes it more appetizing. I honestly want more, and it suits my lonely heart, up tomy core.
It is just a little sad, that it doesn't have an upsize, but for the price, it's really all worth it.
I used to want to die years ago, like there are times, I get tired just by waking up. I understand my recent situation, kind of complex and tiring, but I endure it this far, I can endure it a little more (I guess, or I am just gaslighting, myself?) I am sad, and I know, I have to process this feelings, and it is just sad because I don't know who to confide my feelings. It is really nice to have a replies or to have a real-in-life communication, but we get all busy, and we all have our priorities, so I understand.
It's really hard how to put my feelings into words, but the more I begin to understand things, the sadder it gets. We get mad, annoyed or furious when we don't understand things, but when it sinks in and begins to make sense, it gets a little sadder, doesn't it?
These emotions are uncomfortable, sad but understanding as well. I just wish to be able to get a better things after all.
So I'll just live it here.
Much love,
Zoey
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